Sports joke of the day!

[jetersbatboy]

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.
Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.
Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
‘Where have you been?’ demanded his wife when he entered the house.
‘Darling,’ replied the man, ‘I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock.’
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, ‘You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!’

[jetersbatboy]

Sorry if it offends anyone!

[jetersbatboy]

20 things that sound dirty in football!

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He’s got great hands.

[yankees506]

I gues people are scared to comment, The first joke..... not so much...... but the list..... my face hurts from laughing! I always thought that but never said it out loud. Most on the list make me want to say my favorite saying of all time: Thats what she said! :D :eek:

[sox83cubs84]

Jeter, those are priceless!!:p :p :p

Dave Miedema

[Mark17]

20 things that sound dirty in football!



How about:

21. The two-minute drill (performed during a commercial time-out.)

[gingi79]

Little Johnny is brought to the stand in court to talk to the judge during his parent's divorce case. The judge asks him; "Johnny do you want to live with your dad?"

"No thank you, he beats me!", Johnny replies.

"Ok then, how would you like to live with your mom?", the judge inquires.

"Oh man, no thank you! She beats me too!", Johnny screams.

"Well", the judge says, "You have to live with someone. Who will it be?"

Johnny thinks for a second and says; "I want to live with the New York Mets."

"The Mets?", the judge asks. "How come?'

Johnny replies: "Because they don't beat anybody!"

[yankees506]

Little Johnny is brought to the stand in court to talk to the judge during his parent's divorce case. The judge asks him; "Johnny do you want to live with your dad?"

"No thank you, he beats me!", Johnny replies.

"Ok then, how would you like to live with your mom?", the judge inquires.

"Oh man, no thank you! She beats me too!", Johnny screams.

"Well", the judge says, "You have to live with someone. Who will it be?"

Johnny thinks for a second and says; "I want to live with the New York Mets."

"The Mets?", the judge asks. "How come?'

Johnny replies: "Because they don't beat anybody!"


Gold, pure gold, my new favorite joke ever

[LastingsMilledge85]

Wow, I'm surprised no one brought up Sarge's on-air unintentional joke http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUsQOEQsp_k

[jetersbatboy]

A first grade teacher in Boston explains to her class that she is a Red Sox fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Red Sox fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Red Sox fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Red Sox fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I am a Yankees fan, and proud of it," Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why pray tell are you a Yankees fan?"

"Because my mom is a Yankees fan, and my dad is Yankees fan, so I'm a Yankees fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, "That is no reason for you to be a Yankees. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was a idiot and your dad were a moron,
what would you be then?"

"Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be a Red Sox fan."

[suave1477]

Who can forget the best of all time - Bob Ueker
The jokes about himself were hysterical.

Here are a few

"In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year. It was my second season in the bigs. "

"Sporting goods companies pay me not to endorse their products. "

"Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. But to be able to trick people year in and year out the way I did, I think that was a much greater feat."

"I knew when my career was over. In 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture. "

"When I came up to bat with three men on and two outs in the ninth, I looked in the other team's dugout and they were already in street clothes."

"When I looked at the third base coach, he turned his back on me."

"I hit a grand slam off Ron Herbel (http://www.baseball-almanac.com/players/player.php?p=herbero01) and when his manager Herman Franks (http://www.baseball-almanac.com/players/player.php?p=frankhe01) came out to get him, he was bringing Herbel's suitcase."

"I signed with the Milwaukee Braves for three-thousand dollars. That bothered my dad at the time because he didn't have that kind of dough. But he eventually scraped it up."