I've never actually reached critical mass and given this speech, but I suspect that one day - when confronted with some amped up doofus dancing around in front of me, urging me to jump up and make more noise, or whatever - I will probably just snap and do it.

"Dude! Do you know why Baseball doesn't have cheerleaders? Because they're annoying and a distraction from the game. Get this through your head...the action is on the field. That's what we paid our money to see, and that's what you're getting in the way of. It's all about the game - not about you. Now, I'm sorry as Hell that you apparently didn't get enough attention as a child, but you need to either sit down or go annoy some other section."

And while we're at it, does anyone else's team let fans send photos and tweets from their phones to be displayed on the jumbotron between half innings, throughout the game? I honestly did not come to the game to look at pictures of your two-year-old or your idiot boyfriend, or to read "OMG! LET'S WIN THIS ONE! MARRY ME, JUSTIN!" 700 times in the course of nine innings.

(And, oh, yeah...get off my lawn!)