Sports jokes and humor

[sox83cubs84]

Things seem to get more depressing for many of us every day. This thread is designed for Forum members to share jokes and other forms of humor with a sports theme, and hopefully elicit a few LMAOs and +1s.

First off (I believe this originated with Jay Leno):

When Mitt Romney was talking about the "47%", it had nothing to do with voters or people collecting checks from the government. Instead, he was commenting on Dwight Howard's free throw percentage.

Dave Miedema

[Jags Fan Dan]

I always enjoyed Letterman's take on his son's tee ball games. It was something along the lines of "One inning of tee ball is maybe the most exciting four hours in sports."

[xpress34]

Former player and part time spy for the US Government Moe Berg was very well educated and his education was often used against him in jokes.

Moe Berg - he can speak 7 languages fluently, but he can't hit in any of them!

[otismalibu]

Should probably just merge the "Sanchez $20K Jersey" thread with this one.

[coxfan]

Here's a true story from ESPN's early days, though I don't recall the player or teams. A RF caught a pop fly near the stands with one out and a runner on first. Thinking it was the third out, he politely gave the ball to a boy, aged about four, in his father's lap in the front row.

As he trotted away, he saw the runner running wild around the bases. So he went back to the little boy, politely asked for and received the ball, and threw it back to the infield. When the umpires stopped laughing, they ruled it fan interference! Hopefully the little guy got his ball back.

[jppopma]

Detroit Lions....'nuff said!

[flota89]

Here's a true story from ESPN's early days, though I don't recall the player or teams. A RF caught a pop fly near the stands with one out and a runner on first. Thinking it was the third out, he politely gave the ball to a boy, aged about four, in his father's lap in the front row.

As he trotted away, he saw the runner running wild around the bases. So he went back to the little boy, politely asked for and received the ball, and threw it back to the infield. When the umpires stopped laughing, they ruled it fan interference! Hopefully the little guy got his ball back.

I think that might have been Larry Walker. He did it once that I can remember in the 90s.

[suave1477]

Well this calls for the easiest insertion from the king of baseball comedy Bob Uecker.

"Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. To last as long as I did with the skills I had, with the numbers I produced, was a triumph of the human spirit."

"I didn't get a lot of awards as a player. But they did have a Bob Uecker Day Off for me once in Philly."

"I hit a grand slam off Ron Herbel and when his manager Herman Franks came out to get him, he was bringing Herbel's suitcase."

"I knew when my career was over. In 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture."

"In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year. It was my second season in the bigs."

"I signed with the Milwaukee Braves for three-thousand dollars. That bothered my dad at the time because he didn't have that kind of dough. But he eventually scraped it up."

"One time, I got pulled over at four a.m. I was fined seventy-five dollars for being intoxicated and four-hundred for being with the Phillies."

"People don't know this but I helped the Cardinals win the pennant. I came down with hepatitis. The trainer injected me with it."

"The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until it stops rolling and then pick it up."

"They said I was such a great prospect that they were sending me to a winter league to sharpen up. When I stepped off the plane, I was in Greenland."

[sox83cubs84]

(Courtesy of ESPN's Freddy Coleman):

What does JETS stand for?

Just End The Season!

Dave Miedema

[sox83cubs84]

I'm not sure where I heard this first, but I'm pretty certain it was from a White Sox fan:

What does CUBS stand for?

Completely Useless By September.

Dave Miedema