They've announced which players, coaches and alumni will be (pending last minute changes) attending the DBacks Fan Fest on Feb. 7...so now, I'm living in a state of competing emotions: primarily elation and dread. The elation part, I'm sure I don't have to explain to you guys; here's why the dread:

At last year's Fan Fest, I pushed a small cart filled with about a dozen game-used bats all over the ball park, getting signatures, one autograph per player. There were times I had to be physically separated from the cart while I stood in line, and then of course I had to watch it like a hawk to make sure nobody grabbed one of my bats. By the end of the day, I was an exhausted, nervous wreck. Because I had to hurry to get in line to buy the autograph tickets, I couldn't get to the Yard Sale till much later, at which point any good bats they might have had were long gone.

This year, I've got at least one unsigned bat from 13 of the announced attendees. Or I could drop the Bob Melvin and Jay Bell bats, and try to figure a way to lug around my 2001 Opening Day base (which weighs a ton) for them to sign. I could also drop the Kelly Stinnett bat, if I got up the nerve to ask him to sign the "game-used" DBacks shower wrap of his that I've got (long story).

Now I'm aware that there is no law requiring that I do anything but show up - there is a law that I have to do that, right? - with nothing but a bag of baseballs and some photos, nearly as free and mobile as any carefree kid with one ball to get everyone to sign...nobody is putting a radar gun to my head, forcing me to haul all these bats out to the ballpark. I get that.

But when you can get a bat signed at Fan Fest for a couple of bucks (last year it was $2.50 per table, with two guys at each table), instead of maybe getting some guy down the road doing a signing for 20 bucks or more, it's tough to ignore the opportunity, however crazy-making actually doing it turns out to be.

Note to you guys who never get your bats signed, preferring to keep them "as is" when used: (Eric Cartman voice) "I really, really hate you guys."

Can anyone identify, here? Don't you just envy the kid who does show up at Fan Fest with one baseball for all the guys to sign, and can't even imagine spending the day hauling around a cart of bats like an obssessed nut?